I can text with my tongue
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
