My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
