we have officially lost it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
