god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
