I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
