oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
