You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
