Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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