I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
