i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
