So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
