I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
