Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
