I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
