I didn't shave. On purpose
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
