matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
