Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
