That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
