She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
