my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
