I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
