Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i drank out of a bidet.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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