I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Someone signed my nipple.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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