enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
