Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
