you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
