hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
