We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
They have beer where we have blood.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
