I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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