You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
