I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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