No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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