I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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