That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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