When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
