Pappa wants mamma naked
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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