Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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