I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
