And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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