my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
