I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
