Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
