woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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