so explain again why im purple
no
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
