we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
