my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
