My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
