I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
