Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
