My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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